KZ Writes Good
The internet is a huge bathroom wall, and any halfwit with a keyboard and a connection has an opportunity to scrawl on it. Take me, for instance. My name is KZ. For a good time, come find me at Prosaic Shades of Gray.
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Ok, so tonight’s prompt is “travel”. This prompt kinda works because I’ve been rewatching the Lord of the Rings trilogy again, now that I got my trusty husband who can explain all the crap I missed the first time through, and Frodo “travels” quite a long way to get rid of the ring. Since me and Kevin don’t really travel to places very much, because we are boring, cheap people, I’ll just live vicariously through the Fellowship and write about their journey.
The more I think of it, the more it seems like the Hobbits kinda got fucked in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I mean, a ring was given to each of the races, right? Except the Hobbits. They got nothing. Either they weren’t a race yet, or Sauron was like “Hobbits are worthless. They will just use my power to eat more food”, or (more likely) he invited them to the meeting to distribute the rings and the Hobbits were like, “F!#K that, I got 8 more meals to fit in today. I simply don’t have the time to go visit you”. Maybe they did get a ring but they ate it. I dunno. Either way, by the beginning of the story, they had no ring except the one to rule them all, which was practically stolen.
Despite the fact that the Hobbits never even got a damn ring, Frodo completely took responsibility in fixing the problem. And while man was adventurous, the dwarves were explorers, and the elves were ambitious, the Hobbits were pretty much introverts that didn’t give a crap about the rest of the world and were more like me and Kevin with their dislike of travel. I mean, traveling is a gigantic pain in the ass. You gotta pack luggage, sit in a crappy airport for hours just so you can get on an airplane where you are undoubtedly gonna be stuck sitting next to some whiny, snotty kid and the sick old dude coughing on you. Then when you get there, you realize you left something behind, you are tired as all hell due to jet lag, and there are people everywhere getting in your way and cockblocking you the entire way out of the airport. And throughout the entire trip, you know you have to do it all over again just to get back. Like a massive rain cloud hanging over your head for the entire duration of your trip.
Now Hobbits didn’t have those problems, but they also didn’t have shoes or sidewalks. I don’t care how much hair they have on their feet, rocks are rocks and will tear through skin. Especially when you constantly have to take no man’s road to avoid Sauron the Voyeur. I don’t know why Galadriel couldn’t have given him shoes. I know I’m a tad biased on this front since one of my biggest terrors is feet. I can’t stand feet. Feet are ugly and I detest having to see them. Summer is a VERY difficult season for me and I avoid dressing rooms during that season at all costs. Just stalls of feet, feet and more feet. UGH!!! So every time I saw his feet on the screen, I would inwardly cringe and curse Galadriel. This bugged me for the entirety of all 3 movies.
Now the other problem Hobbits probably face with travel is food. They eat like 20 times a day. Can you imagine having to stop to eat that many times each day? How the hell do you get anything done? Yes, they had that magical bread, but if you think about it, Hobbits must have really liked food. I mean, they pretty much planned their days AROUND THE FOOD. We fit in food in between tasks and sometimes get too busy and skip a meal. You bet your ass that doesn’t happen with the Hobbits. I can only imagine after the Shire was decimated near the end of the film that they still took 40 breaks while rebuilding it. So going from practically worshiping food to eating some boring, stale bread… that’s must have been difficult for a Hobbit!
Hobbits also aren’t stupid. Their valuables consist of meat and beer. That’s super smart!! Nobody else is gonna want to start a war over that! They are busy fighting over power and land. If the Hobbits stay in the Shire, nobody will really bother them and they know it. Now, if they travel outside the Shire and get embroiled in human/elvan/dwarven politics, then they might get attacked for pure political reasons. But if they stick to themselves, nobody even really notices them. They remain as neutral as Sweden. But no! In Lord of the Rings, all the other races took the power from Sauron, didn’t expect strings to be attached to it like morons, and ended up creating a World War on Middle Earth.
No, Hobbits got screwed on this deal. I would think that the story of Frodo would be a cautionary tale on why it’s better to stay home. He would be used as like a Grim Fairy Tale to prevent young Hobbits from traveling outside of their hometown. “Our Young Frodo was once forced to travel outside of the Shire to save all the races of Middle Earth AND IT FUCKING SUCKED! He had no shoes, no real food and he almost died like 50 times. DO YOU WANT TO DIE BAREFOOT AND STARVING?!? Good! Then don’t ever leave the Shire”.