KZ Writes Good
The internet is a huge bathroom wall, and any halfwit with a keyboard and a connection has an opportunity to scrawl on it. Take me, for instance. My name is KZ. For a good time, come find me at Prosaic Shades of Gray.
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When KZ and Diana Got Married
On September 21, 2013, I married Diana, the love of my life. We had been dating for nearly ten years before we finally got hitched. In all the time that we had been together, Diana constantly begged me to write a “mushy and romantic” blog entry in which I discussed the many ways that I loved her. For one reason or another, I kept refusing, and I never gave in. I came close to honoring her request once, but then I turned it into one big joke.
On the night of our wedding, I pretty much had no choice but to publicly profess my love for Diana. And given my track record of writing and delivering thoughtful best man speeches in 2008 and 2013, Diana was expecting me to bring my A-game for the wedding speech. Not wanting to let her down, I spent a month writing and rehearsing my speech. I gave it my all on my wedding night; and despite the rocky conclusion, I think it went over pretty well.
So I guess for once, I finally wrote something heartfelt and sincere about my feelings for Diana. I must have gotten swept up in the emotion of the occasion, and my heart could do little else than celebrate the love that swelled within it. Or, you know. Maybe it was aliens. Matters of the heart are a mysterious thing.
If you’re interested, check out the script to my wedding speech below.
Yes, Diana, I Love You
(September 21, 2013)
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I am Kevin, and I will be your groom this evening. I recommend the Chicken Madeira and a glass of white wine to complement your eighth interminable speech of the night. Trust me, I know. Even I’m starting to get sick of hearing people say nice things about me.
I believe you’ve all met my lovely wife, Diana. It was her idea that I come up here last after a series of seven speeches in order to say a few words on behalf of both of us. So, you know. If you have any tomatoes, eggs, or batteries to throw while I’m speaking, just aim them that way at her [points at Diana]. This is a rented tux, man. I have to return it in good condition.
But really, eight speeches tonight? That is bananas. Thank you for your patience, everybody -– and not just for this very moment, but for today in its entirety. I know that for many of you in the room, this is not your first wedding of the year. I happen to know that for some of you, this is your fifth or sixth wedding so far. Speaking for myself, this is the third wedding I’ve been to this year. And on a related note, thank you very much to my two ex-wives for making it out here tonight.
I’m just kidding. I have restraining orders on both of them.
In all seriousness, thank you all for coming tonight to share this special day with me and Diana. I know that many of you have traveled from very far away, and it means the world to us that you could make it here. And even if you didn’t have to drive too far to make it, thank you, truly, for getting dressed, leaving the house, and coming here to make us feel loved. It’s overwhelming looking around this room and seeing so many family members and friends who have gathered in one place just to wish us well. Diana and I are truly blessed, and we know it.
I have a couple acknowledgments. Well, a lot of them, actually.
. . . .
How am I doing on time? Have I been talking too long? Does anybody hate me yet? Put your hand down, Diana.
You know, chances are, if you’ve known me long enough, or if you’ve ever read my blog at kzwritesgood.com, then you might have noticed that I have a preoccupation with themes of cycles, and sameness, and the redundant loop of human experience that spins us round and round. To put it simply: Everything in life has already been done before. There are no songs left unsung, no words left unspoken, and no feelings that haven’t already been felt before. Because in the grand scheme of things, somebody somewhere has already beaten you to it.
When I first sat down to think about what I wanted to say tonight to mark the occasion, I was confronted by the same old question that every writer struggles with: What could I possibly say that hasn’t already been said a thousand times before? Each time I ask myself that question, I am forced to come to the same conclusion — that there’s nowhere else to go aside from a path that’s already been traveled. We’re all just doing our best to disguise a familiar chorus into something unfamiliar and strange. But we all know the underlying truth, and we all do our best to try to forget that we find ourselves stuck in a cosmic rut. I admit, that’s not the happiest point of view to keep…especially on your wedding day. It’s the kind of thought process that can strip the world of romance, and spiral you into despair if you let it.
But the more I thought about what I wanted to say tonight, I realized that all of those feelings of cynicism and disillusionment that I’ve struggled with for so long during my adulthood don’t amount to much of anything when I think about all of the happiness that Diana has inspired in my life. Few people make me laugh the way that Diana does. Few people make me feel as appreciated as she does. Few people understand me the way that she does. But nobody makes me feel the way that Diana does.
I am a better person because of Diana. I understand love as completely as I possibly can with Diana by my side.
So maybe I’m not the first man to come to this kind of realization about the woman he’s marrying. So what? As ordinary a thing as it is for a man to love his wife, the way that Diana makes feel is extraordinary, and I would like to do nothing better than to celebrate that feeling.
All of these thoughts led me to my final revelation, which is honestly not anything new, but it’s something that I feel compelled to share with the rest of you. All we have in this life, during this infinitesimal slice of time that’s been allotted to us, is each other.
Albert Einstein said it this way:
“Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: That we are here for the sake of others…for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy.”
We’re all in this together, pushing our shoulders against the quivering wheel of birth and death, and endless conception. All we have in life is each other, and a collection of fleeting moments. Right now, during this very moment in time, I choose to celebrate my love for Diana, the woman whom I now call my wife.
Thank you all — everybody — for being here tonight to share with us this moment of love.
You’re welcome, Diana.
30 Minus 2 Days of Writing (2014)
A painful exercise in forced inspiration brought to you by
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