Long Live Queen Nicky

February 4, 2014 (Tue)



30 Minus 2 Days of Writing (2014)
Day 4: “When hell freezes over”

Hey, how’s it going? This is Diana, KZ’s wife. My stupid husband got the story entirely wrong with that atrocity of a poem, “A Song of Goudas and Grays“. This is the real story of the Queen of Cheeses.


The world has heard tales of Sir Kay of Zed
And his epic adventure with the Queen who’s now dead.
But the tale doesn’t end on so happy a note
For his deeds caused such misery, which KZ never wrote.

After the knight had defeated the Queen
He left the town vulnerable to a beast not yet seen.
For the Queen was not evil, not vile nor cruel;
It turns out Sir Kay was simply a fool.

For the Queen had toiled for so many years
Protecting the village from the thing she most feared.
The greatest of all fears which the Queen had to bear
Was hidden high up a mountain — its beastly stone lair

The beast was gigantic, a creature of lore
A titan so frightening, the dreaded Manticore

The beast was most foul, evil as could be,
He pillaged, he murdered, he let no one flee.
The Queen’s village was left as the only one spared
For she struck a deal which no mortal ever dared.

The Queen was so clever, devising a plan with ease
To outwit the beast by using his love for cheese

“As long as I receive my offerings of cheese,
I will spare your small village, so do as you please.
But if just once my cheeses do not arrive,
I swear to you, Queen, no one will survive.”

The Queen quickly rallied all the villagers in line,
“You shall all bring me cheese, or pay a heavy fine.”
The villagers balked, they couldn’t believe their ears
Their displeasure boiled over, with anger in their jeers.

With a heavy hand and a heavier heart,
The Queen packed the cheese in a giant golden cart.
She trekked up the mountain with her cart all alone
Weeping with every step that cut straight to the bone.

The villagers blamed her, thinking her a beast,
When the true foe watched above waiting for his feast.
After years of delivering the cheese from the cart of gold,
The Queen started to change, her heart growing cold.

The whole town hated her because nobody knew,
The sacrifices she made, the damages she accrued.

For each angry glare and harsh word spoken,
Cut through the Queen, leaving her broken.
But the Queen persevered, keeping the village safe and sound,
From a horrific beast who would burn it to the ground.

That is until one stupid knight so foolishly intervened,
The village was doomed with the death of the queen.
The Manticore landed in the village with a thud,
He burnt down the village, now covered in blood.

Not a soul did survive his brutal rampage,
Everything standing fell down to his rage.
The buildings in ruins, the corpses piled high,
The villagers had wished that Sir Kay would also die.

For it was his foolish act that had brought this misery to light,
His mistaken concern for the villager’s plight.
Yet conveniently he left, avoiding his share of pain,
Earning the town’s ire and all their disdain.

For it was the Queen who was truly the savior,
Saving the town with her selfless behavior.

Prepare yourself, KZ, for the gauntlet’s been thrown
Take it to heart that you’ve reaped what you’ve sown.
I’ll just leave you with this little brief closer,
You’ll truly defeat Nicky when hell freezes over. =D

PS: Fuck you, KZ!

30 Minus 2 Days of Writing (2014)
A painful exercise in forced inspiration brought to you by
We Work for Cheese


  1. Ziva          
    February 5, 2014 at 2:38 am Reply

    Diana, I think I'm in love with you. Are you sure being married to KZ is really what you want in life? See, I just proposed to Nicky, and she said yes, and I have a feeling we could all live happily ever after without KZ and Jepeto and M. This was a brilliant response to KZ's post, you definitely had me laughing.

    • Diana Mueller          
      February 5, 2014 at 3:21 pm Reply

      I just love to contradict Kevin. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. I had a lot of fun writing it, especially the last stanza! Besides, his poem was dead wrong and seriously needed to be corrected!

  2. Nicky          
    February 5, 2014 at 3:40 am Reply

    Ditto to everything that Ziva just said and more!! Run away with us, there will be cheese and shoes and mostly no KZ, which is the really important part. Btw, 'PS: Fuck you, KZ' is probably the single-most brilliant thing I've ever read. You truly are magnificent, Diana! :-)

    • Diana Mueller          
      February 5, 2014 at 3:46 pm Reply

      You have no clue how often I swear at Kevin. It's amazing he stil married me with the mouth I got. I think he might be masochistic. Either way, I like to naysay everything he says. He tends to usually (not always) be right (however he is totally wrong about the bear argument), so it's good to try to win any battle I can with him. I think I totally won this one too!

  3. dufus          
    February 5, 2014 at 12:21 pm Reply

    Very, very clever, Diana. And you have pleased the challenge gods, or goddesses, of Nicky and Ziva. Based on their comments I'm now having visions of Nicky, Ziva, Paula and Diana. Boy, this challenge is anything but boring.

    • Diana Mueller          
      February 5, 2014 at 6:44 pm Reply

      Honestly, I have no clue how you guys work with the prompts. I know Kevin sometimes struggles with the themes. Thankfully, the prompt for this one was a pretty easy one to maneuver into the poem, but some of them are just weird. Today's prompt, "Empty Bottle", sounds like a hard one to me. I got nothing, so good luck to you guys!

  4. MikeWJ          
    February 5, 2014 at 12:59 pm Reply

    Ya'll womens seem a smidge hostile to me.

    • Diana Mueller          
      February 5, 2014 at 6:46 pm Reply

      Hell hath no fury like a woman, scorned or not. It doesn't matter. When we aren't happy, you will know!

  5. Malisa          
    February 5, 2014 at 2:00 pm Reply

    So was this poem really written by Diana or was it written by KZ trying to get brownie points from Nicky? Hmmm. Whatever. It was brilliant. Guess she showed him. Whoever she is. Hmmmmm.

    • Diana Mueller          
      February 5, 2014 at 6:51 pm Reply

      Definitely not Kevin. In fact, we had an argument on how a poem "should" be. I believe in taking a pattern, and sticking with it. If your pattern is "rhyme, rhyme" or "not rhyme, rhyme, not rhyme, rhyme" then don't divert from it. It doesn't matter. Just pick a pattern and stick with it throughout the entire poem. Also, get a rhythm going with X amount of syllables per sentence and stick to that amount, regardless if the poem flows as well as you would like. It's all about maintaining your pattern and flow. Kevin's poem is all over the place pattern-wise because he seems to put more priority on the actual words, not the rhythm. We "discussed" potential changes to my poem before I finally said "eff you!!!" and we just posted it as it was originally intended. If this was truly Kevin's poem, it would not be as awesome as it is as I'm sure Kevin would have rewrote it to be more like his.

  6. Linda Medrano          
    February 6, 2014 at 9:27 am Reply

    Since I already have proposed (and been accepted) to Ziva and Nicky to come and be my sister wife, I now extend the proposal to you Dear Diana! You are our kind of girl. My husband Alex will support us all while we plot, plan, and shop for shoes. It will be grand and glorious. I promise.

  7. Boom Boom          
    February 8, 2014 at 8:35 am Reply

    Way to go, Diana! The men always mess things up, don't they?

  8. P.J.          
    February 13, 2014 at 8:00 am Reply

    And taking over the blog. KZ ... that man card may have to be turned in. ;)

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