KZ Writes Good
The internet is a huge bathroom wall, and any halfwit with a keyboard and a connection has an opportunity to scrawl on it. Take me, for instance. My name is KZ. For a good time, come find me at Prosaic Shades of Gray.
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Long Live Queen Nicky
Hey, how’s it going? This is Diana, KZ’s wife. My stupid husband got the story entirely wrong with that atrocity of a poem, “A Song of Goudas and Grays“. This is the real story of the Queen of Cheeses.
The world has heard tales of Sir Kay of Zed
And his epic adventure with the Queen who’s now dead.
But the tale doesn’t end on so happy a note
For his deeds caused such misery, which KZ never wrote.
After the knight had defeated the Queen
He left the town vulnerable to a beast not yet seen.
For the Queen was not evil, not vile nor cruel;
It turns out Sir Kay was simply a fool.
For the Queen had toiled for so many years
Protecting the village from the thing she most feared.
The greatest of all fears which the Queen had to bear
Was hidden high up a mountain — its beastly stone lair
The beast was gigantic, a creature of lore
A titan so frightening, the dreaded Manticore
The beast was most foul, evil as could be,
He pillaged, he murdered, he let no one flee.
The Queen’s village was left as the only one spared
For she struck a deal which no mortal ever dared.
The Queen was so clever, devising a plan with ease
To outwit the beast by using his love for cheese
“As long as I receive my offerings of cheese,
I will spare your small village, so do as you please.
But if just once my cheeses do not arrive,
I swear to you, Queen, no one will survive.”
The Queen quickly rallied all the villagers in line,
“You shall all bring me cheese, or pay a heavy fine.”
The villagers balked, they couldn’t believe their ears
Their displeasure boiled over, with anger in their jeers.
With a heavy hand and a heavier heart,
The Queen packed the cheese in a giant golden cart.
She trekked up the mountain with her cart all alone
Weeping with every step that cut straight to the bone.
The villagers blamed her, thinking her a beast,
When the true foe watched above waiting for his feast.
After years of delivering the cheese from the cart of gold,
The Queen started to change, her heart growing cold.
The whole town hated her because nobody knew,
The sacrifices she made, the damages she accrued.
For each angry glare and harsh word spoken,
Cut through the Queen, leaving her broken.
But the Queen persevered, keeping the village safe and sound,
From a horrific beast who would burn it to the ground.
That is until one stupid knight so foolishly intervened,
The village was doomed with the death of the queen.
The Manticore landed in the village with a thud,
He burnt down the village, now covered in blood.
Not a soul did survive his brutal rampage,
Everything standing fell down to his rage.
The buildings in ruins, the corpses piled high,
The villagers had wished that Sir Kay would also die.
For it was his foolish act that had brought this misery to light,
His mistaken concern for the villager’s plight.
Yet conveniently he left, avoiding his share of pain,
Earning the town’s ire and all their disdain.
For it was the Queen who was truly the savior,
Saving the town with her selfless behavior.
Prepare yourself, KZ, for the gauntlet’s been thrown
Take it to heart that you’ve reaped what you’ve sown.
I’ll just leave you with this little brief closer,
You’ll truly defeat Nicky when hell freezes over. =D
PS: Fuck you, KZ!
30 Minus 2 Days of Writing (2014)
A painful exercise in forced inspiration brought to you by
“We Work for Cheese“