All is Vanity (Conversation with God Continued)

February 8, 2014 (Sat)



30 Minus 2 Days of Writing (2014)
Day 8: “Damn”

KEVIN: All I’m looking for is a little direction. Forget blind faith, misguided mysticism, and educated guesses that inevitably lead to educated fist fights. What I want is a reason to believe, the briefest of reasons not to collapse from within and despair this overwhelming sense of futility.

GOD: What reason do you have to despair?

KEVIN: Judging by the current state of the world, I think the answer to that question should be self-evident.

GOD: Fair enough.

KEVIN: You know, whenever I speak to you — whether or not I mean to — it always feels as though I’m punching against a hollow, immobile wall. There is no feeling, no direction, no sense of sympathy or reciprocal concern.

GOD: What would you have me say in reply?

KEVIN: How about an expression of understanding?

GOD: I understand.

KEVIN: I’ll rephrase. How about a genuine expression of understanding?

GOD: If I were to say exactly what you would have me say, then what meaning would you hope to find in my words?

KEVIN: I’m not sure. I guess it would be enough to know that God shared some of my own sensibilities. Maybe that’s a silly thing to wish for.

GOD: It sounds almost sensible to me.

KEVIN: It would be nice if I had the capacity to believe in that kind of thing again. The providence of a Loving Creator is a difficult promise for a person of faith to leave behind.


KEVIN: How can I be assured that I’ve actually been speaking to you all this time?


KEVIN: What if I’ve just been shouting these holy litanies to the whisper of a myth?


KEVIN: Why must God conduct His affairs with so much secrecy? Tell me, God, how can I be sure that you even exist?



KEVIN: Are you there?


KEVIN: All is vanity. So much for faith.

KEVIN: So long, God. It’s been real.

GOD: True enough.

KEVIN: Jesus, there you are.

GOD: I always had faith that one day you’d have the humility to find both Jesus and me.

KEVIN: You have a sick sense of humor, you know that?

GOD: That just might be the one sensibility you and I have in common.

30 Minus 2 Days of Writing (2014)
A painful exercise in forced inspiration brought to you by
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  1. dufus          
    February 8, 2014 at 7:53 am Reply

    Damn, you can talk to God? Have you got his number?

    • KZ          
      February 8, 2014 at 8:19 am Reply

      Actually, God called me, but He claimed it was a misdial.

  2. Linda Medrano          
    February 8, 2014 at 10:00 am Reply

    Dude! This was really impressive! Were you texting or on the phone? Okay, know let me tell you my views on all this. I believe in gravity but I can't see it or talk to it. I also believe in evolution (knowing it's just a "theory" and all), but I can't see it either. (Well, sometimes I think I can, but that's just me!) Okay, believe in what makes you happy and don't ask for all that proof.

    • KZ          
      February 8, 2014 at 10:17 am Reply

      I appreciate that, Linda. Thank you.

      I always envisioned this as a phone conversation. The original concept was that God "misdialed" my phone number, and then He and I would end up having a long, thoughtful discussion.

      I had been working on it for years, but I never completed it. Now, whenever the moment moves me, I add another piece of that conversation to my blog. I ran out of the original material a long time ago, by the way. I'm just making it all up now as I go along now.

      Thanks for reading. :)

  3. Nicky          
    February 8, 2014 at 1:00 pm Reply

    Love this, KZ. I love that God calls you by mistake and then decides to fuck with you. It's exactly what I do when I misdial.

  4. laughingmom          
    February 8, 2014 at 1:17 pm Reply

    I thought it might have been a text conversation, but it didn't look like autocorrect was involved!

  5. ReformingGeek          
    February 8, 2014 at 1:24 pm Reply

    Ah, very good! I always thought God had a sense of humor.

  6. Boom Boom          
    February 8, 2014 at 2:23 pm Reply

    Just because I can't see or feel or hear God, doesn't mean she is not a chicken. I like to leave all the possibilities open.

  7. injaynesworld          
    February 8, 2014 at 3:11 pm Reply

    There's a reason it's called "faith" and not "fact." :)

  8. Linda          
    February 8, 2014 at 3:51 pm Reply

    What Jayne said! :)

  9. Ziva          
    February 8, 2014 at 3:56 pm Reply

    I love your conversations with God, KZ. A little thoughtful, a bit confusing, and completely funny.

  10. Katherine          
    February 8, 2014 at 7:29 pm Reply

    A hard one to read... I have had a lot of doubt in faith lately... but brilliant... and made me laugh at the end!

  11. P.J.          
    February 19, 2014 at 11:39 am Reply

    I think God needs to have a little more transparency with his administration!

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