KZ Writes Good
The internet is a huge bathroom wall, and any halfwit with a keyboard and a connection has an opportunity to scrawl on it. Take me, for instance. My name is KZ. For a good time, come find me at Prosaic Shades of Gray.
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A Song of Goudas and Grays
“Sing us songs of Gouda!” proclaimed the Queen of Cheeses,
and her courtesans bowed and scurried
for the Queen gets what she pleases.
The Queen’s decrees do reign supreme
across the land of abandoned dreams,
for it is the cruelty of “Her Beloved Majesty” —
in words and deed — that compels in fear her weary subjects
to genuflect in deadened reverence upon their ragged knees.
The Queen’s command for Gouda songs descended
to the town below where throngs of trodden souls were heard
to sob in fits of anguished moans.
“Mercy! Mercy!” the townsfolk cried. “Winter is upon us, and spirits are low;
We very nearly died when last you asked of us to sing your whims
amid the bitter snow.”
“Hold back your words you insolent curs!” the Queen roared in reply.
“Breathe not another sniveling gripe, or else you will surely die.”
The people fell prostrate in withered defeat
as soldiers with sabers marched down every street.
And so by the writ of the Queen’s decrees
all were summoned unto the palace to bring
a song, and a dance, and block of cheese
to appease Her Majesty’s malice and manic caprice.
For twenty-eight nights this madness lasted
though before the end, Her Majesty was blasted
from a nauseating cocktail of Cheez Whiz and gin
and a questionable addition of Finnish candy and molasses.
The palace grew fuller with all the town’s cheeses
stacked tall to ceiling just like the Queen pleases.
She laughed a cancerous cackle, for cruelty’s a disease
“Let it be known from this day forth,” she said, “that you all work for cheese.”
Then out of the shadows stepped forth a lone figure —
not the tallest in stature, but overflowing with vigor.
He was clad to the hilt with plate mail and chains
and a cloak spun of fine threads of Prosaic Shades of Gray.
He breached the palace doors with defiance and with stride
and the guards dared not oppose him as he sauntered his way inside.
He entered the royal courtroom where the Queen sat upon her throne
delighting in her cheeses, and in the suffering that she’d sown.
“Salutations, Dear Queen” said the noble gray knight,
“I greet you in peace, though I stand ready to fight.
I am called Sir Kay of Zed, from the grand Household of Grays
cease your decrees of cheeses, and desist your wicked ways.”
It angered the Queen wholly to be so openly defied
and she called for Sir Kay to be slain for his insufferable snide.
Guards closed in reluctantly on the good knight in gray
but none were a match for the sword of Sir Kay.
One after another, the palace guards fell
and as the last was dispatched, the Queen’s anger did swell.
The Queen unleashed a fearful roar of fury and of spite
then uttered foul words from ancient tomes which hastened the fall of night.
By the blackest of dark magic, the Queen engulfed herself in flame
when there arose from out the fire came the fabled Dragon Queen of fame.
Sir Kay of Zed held fast his sword in confrontation of the Dragon
which snapped and snarled and bit and shrieked like a drunk without a flagon.
The knight and Beast clashed about the court with slashes and with plunges —
with jabs and jumps and scrapes and parries, and with fiercely ventured lunges.
The Dragon Queen belched firebolts without pity or discretion
she bathed the court in waves of flames spewed in every which direction.
The heartless Beast then cornered Sir Kay within a ring of fire
The blaze danced high, twelve times his height,
Sir Kay’s prospects were surely dire.
The Dragon Queen laughed and taunted, for cruelty came to her with ease,
“You were a fool to fight me, Sir Kay — now behold the wrath of cheese.”
Sir Kay hurled his sword up through the air, soaring toward the Dragon’s heart
the Beast deftly dodged the sailing blade with a mighty swoop and dart.
“‘Twas the final gambit of a desperate man” the Beast Queen blithely taunted
“Think again,” said the brave Sir Kay,”you’ve done exactly what I wanted.”
The sword sailed onward past the Dragon to strike a stack of cheese
which lurched and leaned and tumbled down in a hail of Goudas and Bries
The Beast looked ’round her cold scaled shoulder with a flash of understanding
her newfound footing was now the place where the falling cheese was landing.
The Beast let loose a startled screech and turned in vain to flee
But lo, the Dragon Queen was crushed beneath a heap of dairy debris.
Word made rounds all through the town of the Queen’s untimely death
and the streets spilled full of joyful crowds all singing with collective breath —
“All hail Sir Kay of Zed, our savior and new regent,
for he is brave, and just, and lactose free, and altogether decent.”
All the town’s people did lavish Sir Kay with a sovereign’s share of riches
with a crown, and gold, and fine royal robes sewn of silken stitches.
Sir Kay of Zed bowed to the ground in deference to the adoring crowd
and with grace he spurned the riches and robes
for the grayness of his war-torn shroud.
“You are all most generous,” said the noble knight in gray
“But I am hardly fit for royalty, and I must be on my way.
Tyranny is a dismal plight to which you should no longer cling
It’s your freedom I now grant you, so seek not a Queen or King.”
So ends the hallowed tale of how the Dragon Queen was vanquished
Sir Kay of Zed rode out of town, and in his wake the darkness languished
To this day the bells still ring in honor of the brave Sir Kay
Who freed the land of Queens and cheeses, the Noble Knight of Gray.
30 Minus 2 Days of Writing (2014)
A painful exercise in forced inspiration brought to you by
“We Work for Cheese“