Shopping Bags and Domestic Spats

February 15, 2013 (Fri)

KZ

9


30 Minus 2 Days of Writing (2013)
Day 15: “Or else”



There is a citywide ordinance in San Jose, California which bans retailers from issuing plastic carryout bags to customers. This requires shoppers in San Jose to either carry around reusable shopping bags, or to buy a recycled paper bag at each store for a token fee. While I appreciate the fact that San Jose is attempting to be environmentally responsible with this ordinance, I do have to point out that the plastic bag ban has resulted in a sharp increase of frustrating domestic spats. To illustrate my point, I present to you the following conversation between my fiancée and me from a few days ago, which began when we were merely a few steps away from the entrance of a store in San Jose.

Diana: Wait, we forgot our shopping bags in the car.

Kevin: Who cares? We’ll just pay 10 cents to buy a paper bag.

Diana: It would be a waste not to use our bags. Let’s just go back and get them.

Kevin: I don’t want to walk all the way back to the car. We parked so far away.

Diana: Don’t be lazy. It’s just right there.

Kevin: Fine. We’ll go back and check the trunk. Come to think of it, though, I’m pretty sure we left our bags at home.

Diana: Let’s just go back and check.

Kevin: You’d better hope those bags are in the car, Diana. Because if they’re not…

*Plap*, *Plap*, *Plap*…
[That’s the menacing sound of my fist punching into an open palm. Diana said nothing as we walked back to the car.]

. . .

Kevin: Oh, look at that. The bags aren’t in the car, just like Iike I said. You’re in for it now. Time for your medicine.

*Plap*, *Plap*, *Plap*…

. . .

Kevin: That’s right, Diana. I just punched a fist into my open palm. I’m sorry it had to come to that, but you brought it on yourself.

Diana: (Sigh)

Kevin: See what I did there, Diana? In the business, we call that comedic misdirection.

Diana: What “business” is that?

Kevin: Why, the “Business of Being Awesome”, of course. I’m not surprised you’ve never heard of it.

Diana: I’m sorry I asked. I really don’t care.

Kevin: Oh, you’d better care. Because if you don’t…

*Plap*, *Plap*, *Plap*…

. . .


30 Minus 2 Days of Writing (2013)
A painful exercise in forced inspiration brought to you by
We Work for Cheese

9 Comments

  1. P.J.          
    February 15, 2013 at 10:22 pm Reply

    One of these days, Alice, POW! Straight to the moon!

    • KZ          
      February 19, 2013 at 2:03 am Reply

      That was definitely a source of inspiration for me when I pulled this crap on Diana. :)

  2. Ziva          
    February 16, 2013 at 9:18 am Reply

    I'm sighing like Diana here. ;) You're funny, man, keep on being awesome.

    • KZ          
      February 19, 2013 at 2:04 am Reply

      I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so, Ziva. The only thing I can be sure of is that I make myself laugh. Deep down, I'm pretty sure Diana thinks I'm funny, too.

  3. Tami Von Zalez          
    February 16, 2013 at 3:35 pm Reply

    I too suffer the oddness that is California. Did they ever stop to think that we reuse those plastic bags? DOH! (doing my best Homer Simpson).

    • KZ          
      February 19, 2013 at 2:06 am Reply

      I'm right there with you, Tami. Those plastic bags are actually pretty handy.

  4. Indigo Roth          
    February 19, 2013 at 2:16 am Reply

    Hey KZ! Comedic misdirectional violence against women is never cool, dude. Besides, I know for a fact she'd kick your arse. Still, it got a chuckle out of me. Indigo

    (sorry I always end up coming back to these by the way; you post after I go to bed, and I rarely think to check the following morning. I am a bad man.)

    • KZ          
      February 19, 2013 at 2:33 am Reply

      I hear you, Indigo. I was a little reluctant to post this for just that reason, but I went for it because in the end, the butt of the joke is me and my insufferable behavior. I'm glad you were able to see the humor in the situation, though.

      And don't worry at all for being late to comment. I'm just glad you stop by when you do! I'm nearly always the last one to add my link to the challenge lists, so a handful of my posts just seem to float under the radar. I only have my own lazy ass to blame.

  5. Diana Mueller          
    May 1, 2014 at 12:51 pm Reply

    If we bought reusable bags and never use them, then it's a waste! If we are in the habit of just "wasting" money, then lets spend it on freaking air conditioning, cause if I have to spend one more hot day in this house with no AC, I swear to god, I will make it my life's mission to destroy all your happiness.

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