Of Text Messages and Dopplegangers

February 7, 2013 (Thu)



30 Minus 2 Days of Writing (2013)
Day 7: “Texting”

Note to Challenge Participants: Today’s entry is slightly crude. I mention this now in case you’re easily offended, or if you’re looking for an excuse to click away.

I was tempted to repost my Mirror Universe entries for today’s “Texting” prompt, but then I remembered that I’ve been sitting on a gem of a text messaging story for over three years now.

One night back in January 2010, my buddy from Minnesota, Conrado, initiated a text message conversation with me while I was resting lazily at home in my cozy California apartment. Little did I know that this transamerican text message conversation would turn out to be my all-time favorite SMS correspondence in which I was a participant. All these years later, I still have the conversation saved on my phone. Here’s how it went.

Conrado: I’m looking at a girl who looks like you. She’s really hot too. It’s kinda weird.

Kevin: But oh so right. Hit on her?

Conrado: No. She’s singing karaoke outside my group. It’s weirding me out though.

Kevin: Take a picture?

Conrado: Haha. I’ll try. I’ll send it if I do.

A few minutes later, Conrado sent me a picture via SMS. It was a photo of his buddy happily posing alongside an attractive girl whom I am assuming must have been the only Asian woman in Minnesota at the time. Whatever skepticism I might have initially had about this girl’s resemblance to me completely vanished as soon as I saw the picture. She really did look like me. It would be rude if I posted the picture here without this random girl’s permission, so try looking at the picture on my blog’s “About” section and imagine a female with a similar facial structure. Her features were softer, and her chin was sharper and a bit more delicate, but she really looked like a hot female KZ.

Conrado: Funny how we got this picture.

Kevin: Nice dude! Would it be wrong of me to whack off to this picture?

Conrado: No! In fact, it would be wrong if you don’t.

Kevin: I’ll tell you all about it?

Conrado: 🙂

Kevin: It was a little weird with Diana in the room, but I got it done. That was some good doppleganger fantasy sex.

Conrado: If I could have added tentacles to the picture, I would have.

Technology has really taken us somewhere, hasn’t it? As far as I’m concerned, the culmination of modern-day technological research and scientific discovery amounts to this very conversation between Conrado and me spanning thousands of miles, and happening in real time. Lord knows, all of that inconsequential filth might have gone unsaid, and the world would have been a much poorer place in the balance.

30 Minus 2 Days of Writing (2013)
A painful exercise in forced inspiration brought to you by
We Work for Cheese


  1. nonamedufus          
    February 7, 2013 at 4:59 am Reply

    Gee, I hope you didn't get any on the phone.

    • KZ          
      February 10, 2013 at 12:06 am Reply

      I'm much too classy to let that kind of thing happen.

  2. Bryan          
    February 7, 2013 at 6:03 am Reply

    Hmmm. I didn't know there was such a thing as "good doppleganger fantasy sex" until now. Nice.

    • KZ          
      February 10, 2013 at 12:07 am Reply

      You've been missing out, my friend. Go find a sexy doppleganger, and you'll see what I mean.

  3. Shawn          
    February 7, 2013 at 7:32 am Reply

    I'm not offended. But I wish I could unread what I just read.


    • KZ          
      February 10, 2013 at 12:07 am Reply

      It's stuck in your head forever!

  4. laughingmom          
    February 7, 2013 at 7:46 am Reply

    Interesting way to look at texting. All of us ladies are now looking at your "about" picture and ... i'll be back...

    • KZ          
      February 10, 2013 at 12:14 am Reply

      Hehe no doubt you've run off to print the image so that you can draw long hair and lipstick on it. That will pretty much give you the full effect of what my doppleganger looked like.

  5. Mariann Simms          
    February 7, 2013 at 8:03 am Reply

    I see no photos. Not believing this until I see proof.

    • KZ          
      February 10, 2013 at 12:17 am Reply

      Believe me, I was tempted to post the picture with a little black bar over the girl's eyes, but it just would have been too creepy of me to do so. How can I go posting people's pictures when I don't have their permission to do so?

  6. Ziva          
    February 7, 2013 at 8:40 am Reply

    Hah!! Priceless. You've given me a whole new appreciation for texting.

    • KZ          
      February 10, 2013 at 12:19 am Reply

      I'm glad I've been able to broaden your appreciation then! A little bit of sarcasm and rude humor can really go a long way.

  7. injaynesworld          
    February 7, 2013 at 10:35 am Reply

    Boys and their toys... ;)

    • KZ          
      February 10, 2013 at 12:31 am Reply

      I so totally want to read this as a double entendre...

  8. Tami Von Zalez          
    February 7, 2013 at 11:05 am Reply

    Our poor challenge is degenerating quickly ... and we are not even halfway through the month!

    BTW I keep reading your blog title as "Fifty Shades of Grey" - some sort of snafu going on in my mind ~

    • KZ          
      February 10, 2013 at 12:35 am Reply

      I take full responsibility for dragging down the standards of our writing challenge. As for the blog title, "shades of gray" is a pretty common turn of phrase. I had to expect that, eventually, something like "Fifty Shades of Grey" would come along and steal my oh-so-quiet thunder. The funny thing is, I regularly get website visits from people running Google searches for that book.

  9. P.J.          
    February 7, 2013 at 11:15 am Reply

    Um... well, errrr...


    • KZ          
      February 10, 2013 at 12:36 am Reply

      Just like I told Shawn, it's stuck in your head forever now!

  10. Nora Blithe          
    February 7, 2013 at 11:35 am Reply

    LOL! OMG that is just wrong.

    • KZ          
      February 10, 2013 at 12:38 am Reply

      I know, right? Who posts this vulgar crap online? Oh wait...

  11. Katie          
    February 7, 2013 at 11:21 pm Reply

    I wasn't there but I remember when this happened! However I was not aware of the entire conversation that took place. Conrado doesn't text 'n tell I guess. And he better not have "hit on her".

    • KZ          
      February 10, 2013 at 12:40 am Reply

      But Katie, it would have been okay if Conrado had hit on her. You see, Conrado and I are bros, so it would have been the same thing as hitting on me, which is totally acceptable among bros. Feel better now?

      For the record, he didn't hit on her. I should know. Half of me was there in that karaoke bar that night.

      • Katie          
        February 10, 2013 at 7:38 pm

        Mmmhmm. BTW, my avatar is the creepiest of all.

      • KZ          
        February 10, 2013 at 7:48 pm

        You could always register with Gravatar and assign yourself a universal avatar. I'm not pushing too strongly for that, though, since I kind of like your ugly monster avatar.

  12. Conrado          
    February 8, 2013 at 3:42 am Reply

    Oh goodness. She looked so much like you. It was funny because no one was really talking to her but as soon as we asked for a pic then this guy had his arm on her. Treat girl KZ with respect, dude! Not just when you're afraid of losing her.

    • KZ          
      February 10, 2013 at 12:41 am Reply

      If you liked Girl KZ, then you should have put a ring on it.

  13. Indigo Roth          
    February 8, 2013 at 5:40 am Reply

    Wait, WHAT?! You're a guy. Oh man, now *I* feel weird. Roth

    • KZ          
      February 10, 2013 at 12:44 am Reply

      When I first started up a blog, I had a dream of disenchanting as many readers as humanly possible. It looks like my dream is starting to come true.

  14. Malisa          
    February 10, 2013 at 9:25 pm Reply

    Hilarious! You know what makes me feel good? The fact that Katie's avatar is the weirdest thing I have ever seen. It is uglier than mine, if that is possible.

    • Katie          
      February 11, 2013 at 9:02 pm Reply

      It's definitely possible. Just the thought of my avatar keeps me awake at night. Yours is fine, it looks like a brownie with bunny ears.

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