In response to my super lengthy complaint letter to Six Flags Magic Mountain, I received the following letter from the park’s Senior Guest Relations Supervisor:

Dear Kevin,

Thank you for taking the time to forward your comments about the Ride Lockers and our Loose Article Policy.

Six Flags has identified several rides at each park where riders bringing loose articles onto the ride platform was slowing down the dispatch times significantly and making the ride wait times longer. At some of these rides, we have installed short-term lockers for the storage of articles. In an effort to increase capacity and shorten wait times, we are not allowing any items that can not be secured in a pocket to be brought onto the ride dock of these rides. Riders may choose to rent a locker, to leave the items with a non-rider, or place the items in their personal vehicle. We have tried to communicate this message to our Guests with signage, personnel stationed at the entrance to the rides, as well as updated text in the Park Map & Guide, and on our website.

Your letter gave us very valuable insight to your experience at the park regarding this policy. I want to assure you that I have forwarded your letter to our Senior Park Managment.

We hope you understand our only intent here is to minimize wait times for everyone. Again, we thank you for your comments, and hope to see you in one of our Park’s again soon. If you have any questions do not hesitate to contact me directly.

Sincerely,

Mr. B., Six Flags Magic Mountain Guest Relations

I do appreciate that Mr. B. took the time to write me back, but his letter reads more like an automated form letter than a thoughtful reply. Forgive my cynicism, but I’m not convinced that Six Flags’ main concern is “wait times”. If that were truly the only motivation for these temporary-use lockers, then why not make them free? Aside from that, I reject the premise that these lockers actually make the lines move faster. These locker checkpoints cause plenty of delay all on their own. Just because the bottleneck occurs somewhere other than the boarding platform, that doesn’t mean the line delay has magically disappeared.

Mr. B. also failed to address my complaint about the abusive manner in which the corporate Loose Articles Policy was being enforced. Was it absolutely necessary, for example, for the employee working on the Scream ride to throw away my souvenir cup? I guess corporate policy mandates that all employees act like absolute dicks, right?

I should also point out that some friends of mine recently visited Six Flags Discovery Kingdom in Vallejo, California. The locker policy is being strictly enforced there as well, which means that this bullshit is not exclusive to just the Valencia branch.

I’m done with Six Flags. I encourage everybody who reads this to think twice before patronizing your local Six Flags park. Every theme park shamelessly gouges you, but Six Flags is willing to stoop lower than most others out there. When your company values quick, ill-gotten revenue over customer satisfaction, then you don’t understand the first thing about making money, and you don’t deserve to stay in business. That’s not to say that I expect Six Flags to miss me very much, but I assure you the feeling is mutual.

Posted by KZ on 09/11/09