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Yearly Archives: 2009

“Shut Up, That’s Why!”

December 26, 2009 (Sat)

Kevin: You never understand my Simpsons references. Diana:That’s because all of your references are stupid and obscure. Kevin: They’re not obscure, they’re subtle. You know, like the “b” in “subtle”? You don’t really notice it in there, and you never, ever see it coming. It’s just a silent letter. It’s kind of funny when you [...]

Crude Physicality

November 24, 2009 (Tue)

The mysteries of life and existence reveal their truths to us in many ways. I suppose that’s the appeal of staying alive — the romance belying the promise of unraveled complexities. Yet while the answers tantalize us from eternities of near horizons, the mysteries of life have a way of disappearing when you deconstruct them [...]

Six Flags? More like … Zero Flags. Burn. Right?

September 11, 2009 (Fri)

In response to my super lengthy complaint letter to Six Flags Magic Mountain, I received the following letter from the park’s Senior Guest Relations Supervisor: Dear Kevin, Thank you for taking the time to forward your comments about the Ride Lockers and our Loose Article Policy. Six Flags has identified several rides at each park [...]

Diana Has No Sense of Humor

August 26, 2009 (Wed)

I have a story for you, but there are two things you should know first. (1) I hate redundant language. I hate it when people say “tuna fish”, or “PIN number”, for example. What used to bother me most of all, though, was when people said “ATM machine”. I mean come on, really? “Automatic Teller [...]

Letter of Complaint to Six Flags Magic Mountain

August 20, 2009 (Thu)

Mr. B., My name is Kevin Zing, and I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. My girlfriend and I went to a lot of trouble on the weekend of August 15, 2009 to drive down to Valencia to visit Magic Mountain. A one-way car trip takes a little under five hours from where we [...]

My Conversation With God (continued)

August 11, 2009 (Tue)

GOD: You fault me for my lack of intervention? KEVIN: Of course. GOD: Just a moment ago, you told me that God should let His children live their own lives. KEVIN: In an ideal universe, even the most aloof and irresponsible deity would take at least some measures to stop his children from hating and [...]

The Kind of Conversations I Have While I’m Not Writing

June 13, 2009 (Sat)

Kevin: so what’s up with you? Casey: went for a jog Kevin: wow, at 3 in the morning? safe neighborhood? Casey: our township is rated one of the safest in the US lol Casey: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canton_Township,_Michigan Casey: Based on statistics reported to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Canton was the nation’s 20th safest municipality with a [...]