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February 19, 2005 (Sat)

The title of my last post is a tongue-in-cheek reference to Matthew 7:1-5, in which Jesus tells his followers not to judge others. “How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove that splinter from your eye,’ while the wooden beam is in your eye?” says Jesus. “You hypocrite, remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother’s eye.” I was being judgmental in that last post, and I knew it.

A reader named Darren found my blog and left a critical comment about my inclination to judge. I wrote him a short and civil letter, explaining that while it’s true that I was being judgmental, I didn’t think my complaints were entirely unwarranted. It’s one thing to be conservative and religious, but it’s quite another thing to force those views onto your adult granddaughter and severely limit her autonomy as a result. In response, Darren had this to say:

While my comment was snarky, you *are* being judgmental. If grandma were insistent of some things that *you* like, but your girlfriend doesn’t, would you be as judgmental? My guess is that it’s grandma’s conservatism you don’t like.

There’s a cost to everything. That’s the cost of living with grandma, who, as you pointed out, is doing a lot of good things for your girlfriend. If the emotional cost of living with grandma becomes too high for your girlfriend, well, there’s always Kevin’s house

As you’ll learn if you drop by my blog, RightOnTheLeftCoast (mostly about education since I’m a teacher), I’m a big fan of *personal* responsibility. We make our choices, and we alone are responsible for the consequences of those choices.

I started to reflect on the tone of the previous post, and I realized that Darren made some valid points. The root of my resentment has more to do with Connie’s conservatism than I’d care to admit. Additionally, Connie is being wonderfully generous with her money and time, so that vindicates her insistence on setting some house rules. There is–and ought to be–a “cost” of living with grandma. In the end, the cost is probably well worth Diana’s while, but I still reserve my right to object when I think grandma is abusing that inherent imbalance of power. But Darren, your point is noted. I shouldn’t forget that, on the whole, Connie has been selflessly kind. Sometimes, though, I just wish she’d realize that the world has changed a bit since 1955.

6 Comments

Valleri

February 19, 2005 at 8:22 pm Reply

Hi, I am enjoying your blog. 99.9% of the blogs out there are ego-centric self-centered crap. But you've got something interesting here.

I thought you might be interested in some of my favourite quotes, from the Nag Hammadi Library, the oldest known text on Jesus of Nazereth, not included in the bible but alot of the Matthew stuff was ripped off from this original source:

http://www.gnosis.org/naghamm/gthlamb.html

Im not religious, but I find these passages inspiring and full of truth.

Next post...
- Valleri
  
  February 19, 2005 at 8:22 pm Reply
  
  From the Gospel of Thomas:
  
  (2) Jesus said, "Let him who seeks continue seeking until he finds. When he finds, he will become troubled. When he becomes troubled, he will be astonished, and he will rule over the All."
  
  (3) Jesus said, "If those who lead you say to you, 'See, the kingdom is in the sky,' then the birds of the sky will precede you. If they say to you, 'It is in the sea,' then the fish will precede you. Rather, the kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty and it is you who are that poverty."
  
  4) Jesus said, "The man old in days will not hesitate to ask a small child seven days old about the place of life, and he will live. For many who are first will become last, and they will become one and the same."
  
  (5) Jesus said, "Recognize what is in your sigh
  - Valleri
    
    February 19, 2005 at 8:24 pm
    
    (5) Jesus said, "Recognize what is in your sight, and that which is hidden from you will become plain to you . For there is nothing hidden which will not become manifest."
    
    6) His disciples questioned him and said to him, "Do you want us to fast? How shall we pray? Shall we give alms? What diet shall we observe?"
    Jesus said, "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered."
    
    (10) Jesus said, "I have cast fire upon the world, and see, I am guarding it until it blazes."
    
    (11) Jesus said, "This heaven will pass away, and the one above it will pass away. The dead are not alive, and the living will not die. In the days when you consumed what is dead, you made it what is alive. When you come to dwell in the light, what will you do? On the day when you were one you became two. But when you become two, what will you do?"
  - Valleri
    
    February 19, 2005 at 8:25 pm
    
    There are just too many examples to post, but thanks for reminding me of all of this. I like to re-read those passages one a year or so.
    
    -Valleri
Jessica

February 23, 2005 at 11:58 pm Reply

Hm, well the Bible does say that it's ok to judge, but we must judge righteously. (Don't ask me where in the bible that is, I'd have to ask Ion, and the interpretation of that can vary). When we judge of course we all think we're in the right, so the exact meaning behind that phrase is a little lost on me. Ultimately I think we just need to look at what we say and do carefully and make sure we're not being hypocrites or ignoring our own bigger problems when pointing others out for theirs.
Conrado

February 24, 2005 at 7:15 pm Reply

Ok, maybe I should have read this post first... looks like that "visit" to Connie won't be neccesary... unless you want me to make a different type of visit... interpret at will.