Kevin: the problem with studying to music is sometimes you pay more attention to one as opposed to the other
Jack: Yeah, that’s the problem I have when I’m having sex with two girls.

Posted by KZ on 08/29/04

The response letter from Richard:

Kevin,

Calm down dude (or woman cuz you sound like one, or you must be gay, not that there is anything wrong with that! [Seinfeld reference if you caught that joke]). The email was all a joke (hooray for me!!!). My bad for forgetting to finish my email with a “Bwwhhhaaa ha ha ha…”. I speculate sarcasm is not one of your winning traits (not that my email was sarcastic in nature; it is just an educated guess on my part as to what kind of human you are). Anyway, many (mature people that is) would actually perceive my email as intelligent humor. But it appears your emotions are pretty tied up with that stuffed bear, causing you to go blind (kinda like love, eh?). Sorry if you took it so seriously (which, apparently, you did) and I’m sorry for offending you because it was never my intent to do so – I really thought you would understand the nature of the email. It is sad to see someone get so worked up about a stuffed bear. You do know it is not real, right? Now, who is 13 again? Or maybe 7 is more appropriate?

Have a nice life and good luck with your site.

-the anomyous intelligent guy from the internet

You’d better believe I had an answer for him.

Richard,

You did apologize (albeit weakly), but I still think you’re missing the point. And actually I find the way you’re addressing me pretty condescending. But then again, I did write you back with fighting words, so can I really blame you?

Anyway, you say that your letter was a misunderstood joke, and you made sure to point out the fact that if I understood sarcasm and intelligent humor, I would have been in on the joke. You also argue that I took your joke out of context, and that I was so blinded by my love for some stuffed bear, that it sucked all the humor out of your letter, and all I was able to see was the negative face value of your words. If you want to say something about my irrational affection for a stuffed animal, then that’s a valid criticism; but I think that is beside the point at issue here.

First of all, I can see how I might have overreacted, so I apologize. But please don’t automatically dismiss my reason for taking offense. Am I guilty of taking your joke out of context? Remember that when you’re speaking on the internet, all you have are words, not gestures and tones of voice. When you sent me your email, I had no real objective way of knowing whether you were age twelve or twenty-seven. I didn’t know if you were a venom-spitting asshole, or if you were just pretending to be one. How could I really have known the “context” of your joke when I had no clear context to put it in?

Try to look at it briefly from my perspective. I work hard on my website, and despite what anybody says, I’m proud of it. I don’t expect everybody to shower me with compliments–and actually I’ve had a fair share of criticism–but I do at least expect a bare minimum of respect when people address me. It didn’t matter that you were attacking my beloved stuffed bear on whom I shower a ludicrous amount of attention. But what did matter to me was the fact that, in recognition of the hard work I put into the site, I got a random letter from a stranger that basically said, “Fuck you and your effort, I want to cause you harm.” That is what I found hurtful about your letter.

Am I too sensitive? That’s a matter of perspective I guess. Are you a painter? Suppose I came up to one of your finished paintings and said, “This is shit. I’m going to burn it and make you watch.” Then later, after I got you good and defensive, I told you that I was merely kidding around. Joke or not, the words were hurtful. Even if you’re not a painter, you’re insightful enough to see the connection I’m making.

I do have a sense of humor, and I actually can see the humor in what you wrote. I can see how it was funny for you, anyway. Maybe you thought it was implied that I should be in on your joke, too. Well, when you’re dealing with faceless email addresses, amid this whole sea of world-wide-web stupidity, you’re less inclined to give somebody the benefit of the doubt when the first thing they say to you is “this site sucks.”

-Kevin

I realize that I should probably learn to let some things go, but it’s just not in my nature. I’ve come to learn over time just how how much I need to be understood. When I believe somebody misrepresents my intentions, I take far greater offense than what it’s probably worth. I turn into a staunch advocate of myself, and I talk the offending party’s ear off until they lose all interest in the fight. Bah. Maybe my problem is I put way too much stock into words. On the other hand, maybe some people just don’t fully appreciate the power of language.

By the way, I’d just like to make a distinction. Not every intelligent person finds every joke funny. In addition, not every person that thinks himself funny is necessarily intelligent. I thought briefly about mentioning that to Richard, but I was trying to be gracious.

Posted by KZ on 08/25/04

I know, I’m supposed to be busy with school and everything, but I couldn’t help but take a short break in order to respond to an email I received regarding SantaBearCam [my old website, which has been defunct since 2007].

The letter reads as follows:

Ok, I don’t know how I ended up with this santabearcam “business card” in my pocket that ended up on my dresser after a drunken evening, hell, I might even now whoever gave this thing to me, but regardless, this site sucks. I hope someone kidnaps santabear for ransom. And if I find out I know anyone associated with santabear, this is going to be my new secret endeavor (don’t tell anybody whoever reads this – maybe we can split the ransom 50/50!). Wouldn’t that be fun? Then I could start my own rival santabear website, or hack into yours, and watch you suckers try to find him and suffer through all the evil tortuous things I will do to him – yes, that’s right, I’m going to bring out the bear “gimp” and sodomize that little f*cker! Man oh man, this idea sounds better with every stroke of the keyboard I type.

Tell the bear to watch his back, a stalker may be on the lose…

-Ricardo (formerly know as Richard) [last name ommitted], aka, the bearstalker

And my response:

Ricardo,

You know, if you don’t like the site, that’s one thing. But to lash out in such a hostile way without much cause is really just mean spirited. If cutting people down and making idle, sophomoric threats is your idea of fun, then hooray for you. Judging by the way you express yourself, you seem fairly intelligent. It’s too bad you have the maturity level of a 13-year-old who has just been given free reign to play under the shade of anonymity that the internet provides.

You’re entitled to dislike the site, and to express it by emailing this address, but I take issue with your lack of tact. In short, grow up.

“Tell the bear to watch his back,” you say, “a stalker may be on the lose…” It’s ironic that you closed your letter that way, because that’s exactly what I was thinking. A stalker certainly is on the “lose.” He must be losing every day with that juvenile attitude. He loses when he lashes out at people for no good reason. He lost when he wrote his offensive letter. What a loser.

-Kevin (the person with a valid cause to write an angry letter)

What I found kind of amusing was the fact that Ricardo actually edited his own expletive. That asterisk in his letter was in the original text. I can imagine him sitting down to write that letter thinking, “Okay Rickie ol’ boy, we’re setting out to shock and offend, but let’s not go over the top here.” Ah, little Richaroo, you’re such a kidder.

Posted by KZ on 08/24/04

Priceless experiences outside the classroom.

• People actually stopping me to ask for directions when I’m obviously lost at all times. Get a clue, people. I might as well have “tourist” or “mug me” tattooed on my face.
• Witnessing a man in a collared shirt and tie taking a leak while he stood on a high-traffic sidewalk.
• Being pressured into getting my shoes polished by an old black dude named Curtis. He saw me walking by in my Skechers, and he went in for the kill when he smelled my weakness. I talked him down to 4 dollars, but I paid him the full 7 after he told me about trying to make rent. Suckered.
• Being approached by a crazy homeless guy who just assumes people understand the random shit he comes up with. I’m headed towards the BART station, and this guy comes up to me and points to an old lady sitting on a bench. “She won’t let people sit there because of the Beverly Hill Billies eating lunch.” he said. “Really? Why’s that?” I asked. And he laughed conspiratorially and looked at me with expectation, as if waiting for me to acknowledge that he and I were in on the joke. I just smiled and walked on.
• Arriving at my school for the first time and noticing that, on a wall in a courtyard a little across the way, somebody had tagged the word “VEGAN.” Dude, you know? Talk about politicizing your eating preferences.

Posted by KZ on 08/21/04

Law school will change my life. I don’t mean that in some spiritual or metaphysical sense. I mean, it will effectively change the way I live my life. Up until this point, I’ve been a lazy bum. Since I finished undergrad in June 2003, I’ve been bumming around and working part time at a retail-clothing store. 4am was my usual bedtime, and I’d consider it a workday or a special occasion if I found myself awake before 11am. Man, life was aimless. Life was easy. Life was pretty damn good.

But law school begins, and I’ve come to realize that I will have to sacrifice a lot if I’m going to succeed. I’m going to be studying a whole lot more than I’ve ever studied in all of my life. There will be little to no time for fun. There will be little to no time for friends. That’s what will hurt me the most. I’m going to have to disappear for a very long time, until the holiday seasons. My friends will invite me out, and I’ll have to say no almost every time. It’s not what I’d prefer, but it’s what needs to be done if I’m going to do this law school thing right.

Seeing as how the drive to campus is at least an hour and twenty minutes, I’ll be relying heavily on public transportation. On school nights, I’m going to be sleeping at the latest 12 or 1am, and then waking up by 6 to 6:30 to drive over to the BART station so that I can consistently get to campus by 8am. If I leave my house too late in the mornings, I’ll have to contend with a bad highway commute, congested city driving conditions, and limited parking at the BART station. I’ll stay late on campus for maybe three nights per week to meet up with study groups or to do some independent work in the law library. On weekends, I’m going to find very little time for play. This whole plan may change during the semester, so we’ll see. But for now, I’ll opt to be overly conservative with my planning.

This is probably the most mundane post I’ve ever written in my blog, but it’s here for good reason. I want all of my friends to know that for the next three years, things are going to be different. I’m going to be unavailable nearly all the time (save for a few special occasions), since I’ll be buried in homework. I guess this is my long, roundabout way of apologizing for my hermitage ahead of time. I’m not trying to snub anybody because I’m forgetting who my friends are. I’m going to have to put my life on hold for a long while because I have a goal to achieve.

I love you guys. Please don’t ever believe that I’ve forgotten you. I’ll do my best over the next few years to keep reminding you.

Posted by KZ on 08/11/04

KZ a lawyer? Nah, he doesn’t have the disposition for it. He’s not aggressive enough. He’s even kind of a slacker, if you really want to hear the truth.

Well guess what, suckers? It’s true. Law school starts on Wednesday, August 11th for me. And you know what? I’m terrified. I hardly knew at the age of 18 what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. And now, a little while after undergrad, I still don’t know. Maybe I’m taking extra schooling just to prolong the obligation of having to decide anything. Of course, I could conceivably be cornering myself by going to a vocational kind of graduate school. Oh hell, we’ll see. KZ a lawyer? Hell’s truly frozen over.

Posted by KZ on 08/11/04