Kevin: had i known any of that, i might have driven out anyway
My Friend: but i couldn’t say that to u because i made the call right in front of her
My Friend: so sorry i didn’t give u details
Kevin: it’s cool
Kevin: next time use the code word
My Friend: what code word?
Kevin: croissant affair
Kevin: i’ll ask you, “is this a croissant affair?”
Kevin: and you’ll respond with yes or no
My Friend: lol
Kevin: i know, i could just as easily ask, “is my presence aboslutely necessary?”
Kevin: but “croissant affair” sounds cooler
My Friend: code red?
Kevin: well fine, if you wanna be predictable
Kevin: you can call it code red
Kevin: so we’re doing the colors?
Kevin: red for urgent, yellow for testy, green for neutral?
My Friend: well see it’s a judgment call
My Friend: like last night, it wouldn’t have been like “code red: she’s jumping off a cliff”
My Friend: it’s all too relative
Kevin: i tell you, croissant affair solves it all
My Friend: like last night she was down at that time. would’ve been cool if u could come out, but it wasn’t a huge deal if you didn’t.
Kevin: i see
Kevin: so that would have been a bagel affair
My Friend: lol
Kevin: you follow me?
Kevin: and if everything is all good, and you’re just inviting me out, it’s a fritter affair
My Friend: ok so bagel if u should come out but not necessary. croissant to get your ass out now. and fritter to just plain invite.
Kevin: yeah, so simple
My Friend: lol why a fritter?
Kevin: sounds funnier than a donut affair
Kevin: oooh, what about an eclair affair?
Kevin: that would indicate that YOU’RE down
My Friend: naw if I were down it’d be tub o ice cream affair
Kevin: fine, if you’re down, then call it a scone affair
My Friend: lol
Kevin: okay, it’s settled then. this is all so easy and memorable. =)
My Friend: i’m going to need a corresponding color chart or something
My Friend: i wonder if i can keep my face straight if i ever have to use that code
Kevin: you’d better!
My Friend: lol dude we’re so weird
Kevin: are you mocking the code?
Kevin: do not mock the code!

Posted by KZ on 11/30/03

Most people recommend against drinking alone, but it’s honestly not so bad once you get over the whole pride thing. Actually, I believe having a few drinks by yourself on occasion could be a good thing. Whenever you alter your state, you become far more aware of what your “natural state” is really about. Me in particular, I’ve come to understand that I’m part jester and part spectator. I love playing the goof and getting laughs, but the core audience that I play to is first and foremost myself. And then again, more often than I would like, I’m too damn timid to reach out any further than the bold and outrageous “what if’s” swimming around in my consciousness. I realized all this while drinking alone one night in a bar.

Anyway, once the bar closed that night, and most of the drunken brooding had ended, I started to wander the streets, trying to sober up before I headed back to my car. Wandering with little sense of direction or urgency, I suddenly found myself walking straight towards a homeless man who had already locked onto me and had plotted an intercept course. He was a black man with a reasonably kept beard and a black beanie pulled over his ears. He wore a thick flannel shirt and a faded pair of old jeans. As far as presentation went, he was your classic bum, minus the wino/psycho edge and the shopping cart full of sad, ragged belongings. Maybe the guy left his shopping cart behind so that he’d appear more civilized. I’m only guessing.

He strutted towards me in a fairly confident manner (considering the circumstances), and when he got within earshot, he said to me, rather shamelessly, ” Hey man, I’m trying to buy a forty. Can you spare any change?” I looked at the guy with admiration, with respect for his candor. If there’s one thing that pisses me off more than anything else, it’s needless, goddamn pretense. All these thoughts, all these tangents fluttered across my mind within seconds, and it occurred to me to smile at the guy.

“Sure,” I said. “We all deserve to get drunk once in a while. How much do you need to buy a forty?”

“Five bucks.” he said.

I pulled out my wallet and handed the guy a five-dollar bill. The man reached out to shake my hand, offering what seemed to be a genuine showing of gratitude. I asked the man his name.

“Muhammad.” he responded.

I thought for a moment. “I thought Muslims weren’t supposed to drink.”

Muhammad flashed a wry grin. “Hey man, ” he said, “Allah forgot about my sorry ass a long time ago. Are you going to keep score? Because He sure as hell isn’t.”

Without knowing what to say, I wished Muhammad luck before turning to walk away. Everybody deserves to get drunk now and then. I just hope God sees it that way, too.

Posted by KZ on 11/24/03

Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore got the boot today for his refusal to remove a monument honoring the Ten Commandments from the lobby of the state courthouse. When I first mentioned Moore in my blog, I was visibly irritated and admittedly antagonistic. But now that Moore is out of work, I can’t help but feel sorry for the guy.

While the phrase “separation of Church and State” never actually appears in the US Constitution, I still believe that the tenet is very much a part of the spirit of the law and should therefore be upheld. But even so—although I’ve denounced Roy Moore’s decision to erect a TWO TON granite monument of the Ten Commandments in the state courthouse, I never wanted the guy to be put out of a job. Okay, so I did at first. But now that it’s happened, that soft, wishy-washy, closeted John Denver loving part of me wishes that things had played out differently. Even though I disagree with Moore’s actions, I do at the very least give him props for taking a stand on something that he believes in.

Stupid compassion. It paints everything with Prosaic Shades of Gray. To those of you who remember the Movie titles entry, that last one was for you.

Posted by KZ on 11/13/03

Today I stumbled across an old, forgotten watch while cleaning my room. It’s one of those cheap plastic stopwatches with a rope to hang around your neck. I know it’s a time-keeping device and all that, but I was surprised to see that the lousy thing was still, well, on time (discounting the end of daylight savings). I guess what was so jarring about the discovery was that it served as a reminder that world can carry on very capably without you. Maybe it’s time to stop daydreaming and to start doing all the things that I keep promising to do. The world may one day forget me, but it’s nice to pretend that I might be able to do something to prevent that from happening.

Posted by KZ on 11/05/03