It’s 5:53 in the morning, and I’m driving a car-full of my drunk friends home. Upon Carlos’ earlier insistence, Pink Floyd is blaring over the speakers. After twenty minutes of being on the road, though, I suddenly get the feeling that I’m the only one that’s digging the music. I look to my right and see Fish in the passenger seat, fast asleep. I take a look over my right shoulder and notice Francisco and Mel, who have both passed out as well. Then I chance a quick look over my left shoulder and check up on Carlos, who has his eyes closed and his head resting against the window. It’s at this surreal moment, at this surreal hour of the early morning, that I somehow nearly convince myself that I’m driving with four stiffs in the car. So I glance over both of my shoulders again–this time more deliberately and theatrical–and I think to myself, “I actually did it. I killed them all.” Lonely car rides home are the best.

Posted by KZ on 08/30/03

What’s all this crap we’re hearing about Alabama? In a largely symbolic gesture, some courthouse in Alabama was ordered by US federal courts to remove a tall, granite monument of the Ten Commandments from the lobby. Predictably, this pissed off plenty of Christians, who have resolved to set things right and to get that TWO TON slab of granite back on public display by holding daily rallies, chanting slogans, and basking in the media frenzy they’ve been causing. Okay, so I may regard this story with a certain amount of less-than-subtle disdain, but I honestly do sympathize for the supporters of the monument. I would imagine that if US federal courts had ordered the removal of a public symbol that belonged to any other faith–be it Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, or otherwise–members of that faith would be just as offended. If I still aligned myself with the Christians, I might have found the ruling to be hurtful, blasphemous, and needlessly antagonistic…but only at first. Let’s move beyond the initial emotional reaction of seeing the huge polished stone being carted away, and consider a matter of equity.

The man that installed the monument was Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore, who in 2001 decided to battle the public perception that America’s south just wasn’t “Christiany” enough. And really, what better way is there to tell the world that you’re a pious guy serving in the piousest courthouse in the piousest state in the piousest country than a TWO TON slab of rock with Yaweh’s written law scrawled across it? We’re talking about something that’s literally etched in stone here. The reason, though, that Roy Moore was allowed to install that Ten Commandments monument in the first place is that Christianity is just one of those things that nobody “ought to object to.” It’s an old American standard, a hometown hero, the team with home field advantage. The majority of America’s population is comprised of Christians, which is why Roy Moore was able to install the monument with relative ease. (“Relative” is the keyword here, since I’m guessing he probably went through some crap to get the thing displayed in the beginning.)

What if, for the sake of argument, Roy Moore was actually Roy Patil a Hindu, and he one day decided to install a six-foot statue of Vishnu? Do you think all those stouthearted, justice-seeking Christians would have embraced the preserver god’s presence? Or let’s say Roy Moore was actually Roy Chang, a Chinese Buddhist who insisted on installing a tribute to the laughing Buddha? Would the community rage with resounding approval? Chances are, probably not, since statues of four-armed deities and shirtless fat dudes just make us wholesome, American Christians uncomfortable. If those other statues actually reared their backwards, blasphemous heads into an Alabama courthouse, there would be minimal opposition to their immediate removal.

As many have said before (and much more eloquently), displaying religious symbols of any kind in a public institution such as a school or a courthouse is unjust. It is an imposition of one party’s beliefs onto all the members of a diverse community. Neither Roy Moore, Roy Patil, nor Roy Chang have the right to abuse their positions of authority by imposing their religious views onto the public. And to all of you Christians getting bent out of shape over the TWO TON monument of the Ten Commandments, just remember the first commandment: “I am the Lord, your God. You shall have no other gods before me.” That includes idols, you know. Don’t worry so much about physical representations of God and just stick to keeping Him in your hearts. Now, for Christ’s sake, is that so hard?

Posted by KZ on 08/29/03

Filipe: This friend of mine claimed he liked Hemingway best because “he could take any other author to the cleaners”
Filipe: he meant physically
Filipe: This guy is very pretentious, and he never, ever swears. He thinks its below him. But I did hear him say once that “Hemingway could kick Steinbeck’s ass in a fistfight”
Kevin: i wonder if that’s true
Filipe: Hmm. Not sure. I’d pay money to see it, though!
Filipe: ::fires up the wayback machine::
Kevin: or we could just resurrect the two
Kevin: i’d raise the dead to see that
Filipe: Haha, can you imagine their take on the “horrible future” where ancient artists are resurrected so we can watch them fight each other to the death?
Kevin: lol some great literature would be produced if you allowed them to record it all
Filipe: Well… whichever lived.
Kevin: oh that’s true
Kevin: unless…you re-resurrected the loser
Filipe: They’d probably be more interested in writing books about being resurrected…and on what its like to die
Filipe: Unless…we let them write on those subjects, see which book sells better, and then kill the loser
Filipe: We can keep resurrecting them and have them compete in different ways
Kevin: that sounds wholly sadistic and cruel
Kevin: in short, the best idea ever

Posted by KZ on 08/26/03

What strikes me as incredibly funny is the fact that everybody (and I mean everybody) has his or her own imitation of the female voice. It’s amusing to hear the way men mimic the women in their lives. Almost invariably, they’ll contort their faces and speak in the most exaggerated, high-pitched, and antagonistic screech imaginable. What’s even funnier, though, is when females do it. After all, women naturally have higher voices. And yet, many a woman that I’ve come across will alter her voice in much the same fashion when quoting another female. It’s all so gratuitous and subversive and sarcastic, which is what makes it so funny to me. Underneath the exaggeration and the unintentional humor resides a certain amount of hostility and resentment that most of the girls being lampooned may never get to hear about because all of the frustration that they inspire is being bitched about while their backs are turned. If you overthink it, the whole situation starts seeming a little sad. Well, so be it. Inappropriate or not, I choose to keep on laughing.

Posted by KZ on 08/23/03

Blasphemer: There’s no such thing as a hell.
Believer: Yes there is.
Blasphemer: Says who?
Believer: Says God. It’s in the Bible.
Blasphemer: [Pulls out a piece of paper and writes on it. Hands the paper to Believer.] Here, read this.
Believer: What is it? [Examines the paper, which reads, "There is no hell."] What the hell is this?
Blasphemer: It’s the word of God.
Believer: No it’s not.
Blasphemer: Sure it is. God just told me to write it.
Believer: No he didn’t.
Blasphemer: You don’t believe me?
Believer: No, of course I don’t.
Blasphemer: See? This independent thought thing ain’t so hard, is it?
Believer: Get out of my house.
Blasphemer: No, you get out of my house.
Believer: You’re an ass.
Blasphemer: Too right. Let me find my pants, and then I’ll be on my way.

This bit of nonsense has been brought to you by Boredom® and an Irritating Inability to Sleep®.

Posted by KZ on 08/20/03

I feel an odd sense of peace, and I wonder how long it will last. I feel determined to write, intent on creation, and hopeful and even slightly unconcerned about the future. That’s not to say that I’m blindly casting my fate to the wind, nor have I totally abandoned the idea of looking for a “real” job and ending my streak of scrubby laziness. But see, that’s the thing. Some people may view these past two months of mine of relative inactivity as slothful procrastination. I see this time as a period of growth. This is the time to do what I’ve always wanted to. It’s quite a change from what I’m used to.

There’s an old saying often attributed to Mark Twain that states, “I never let my schooling interfere with my education.” I’ve always liked that quotation, and I’ve tried to model my life around it, but I never was any good at following Twain’s advice. Over the past four years of college, I’d been so wrapped up in deadlines, pointless papers, and tests, that I often lost sight of…well, everything. All of the stories and poetry that I felt like writing were put off so that I could focus on writing papers on such fascinating topics as the California energy crisis, the economic history of oil, the internal financial controls of DPR Construction, and an in-depth analysis of Costco’s financial statements. Most of the books that I wanted to read were shelved since there was plenty to read about the intricacies of counting money. All of the things that I actually wanted to learn about were pushed aside since I needed all the study time that I could get. I was never any good at multitasking, and I paid for it many times over. I tried, Mr. Twain. Really, I did. But schooling ain’t cheap.

Anyway, it’s been two months since graduation, and where am I now? The same dead-end job as a sales associate in a retail store. I feel kind of embarrassed when I tell people that, since most of my other classmates are already out toiling in the real world, worrying over deadlines and reports and clients. But when I stop to think about it, I realize that if I were to jump into that game at this stage in my life, I’d only be setting myself up for a lifetime of stress and unhappiness. There’s more to life than this shit, isn’t there? I intend to find out, anyway.

So maybe I ought to be freaking out about the LSAT in October, or about the fact that my effectively unemployed ass is starting to grow stagnant on the job market. But I’m not. I believe in something, and I hope that something believes in me as well. I’m not forfeiting responsibility to blind faith, mind you. I’d never do that. Rather, I’m proposing to Life all of my intentions and wishes, all the while bearing no expectations about specific outcomes. Come what may, I’ll insist on being happy, on being the person that I want to be. I feel an odd sense of peace, and I’m not entirely sure why. I just hope it lasts.

Posted by KZ on 08/07/03

By the way, I’ve learned a very important lesson this weekend: Schnapps of any variety is not my friend. I thought it was just the peppermint crap that was trouble, but oh no…it’s all bad. Ah, the joys of being a lightweight.

Posted by KZ on 08/02/03

Crystal: sometimes i just want to say, screw it!
Kevin: say it
Kevin: then run off to seattle
Crystal: Screw it!!!
Kevin: nice
Kevin: now we gotta get you packed
Crystal: that felt good
Kevin: lol
Crystal: hehe, you’ll have to come with me
Kevin: i’ll definitely come with you
Crystal: then we can say screw it together!
Kevin: awesome
Kevin: screw it together!
Crystal: hmmm . . . this is starting to sound kinky
Kevin: i was hoping you wouldn’t notice that
Kevin: now i’ll have to be on my best behavior again

Posted by KZ on 08/02/03