Next time, I’ll wear a thicker jacket
Hooray for fevers that incapacitate you all week long during spring break.
Archive for March, 2003
I’d choose neither if I could
‘Despair or folly?’ said Gandalf. ‘It is not despair, for despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt. We do not. It is wisdom to recognize necessity, when all other courses have been weighed, though as folly it may appear to those who cling to false hope. Well, let folly be our cloak, a veil before the eyes of the Enemy!’-J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Rings
In all the grandiose tales of bravery and honor, the difference between right and wrong is almost always a simple matter. But that kind of clarity only exists in fairy tales. Now yet again, as the US stands poised on the brink of war, we are all compelled to question whether an assault on Iraq is warranted, and if it’s even worth it. Over the past few months, my opinion has swayed several times. But now, after hearing what people have had to say on the matter, and after much reflection, I believe the US is doing the right thing. Maybe I’m a product of propaganda. Maybe I don’t fully appreciate the horrors of combat, even after viewing all of those well-produced war movies. All I know for sure is that Saddam is one of the biggest assholes alive today. It saddens me to think that so much blood has been—and soon will be—shed on his behalf. Between despair and folly, I’m eager to choose neither. But choices have been made, and now we all await the outcome of this war. May God help us all, if it suits Him to do so.
Most memorable things that were said this week
- “Sex is a normal part of the human experience. We all want it. We all need it. Now I’m not saying I’m human, but that’s how I advocate the human experience.
- (after being told that mamae is a variation of “mother” in Portuguese) “God I know. It’s so obvious. It’s not like I thought it meant ‘hubcap’ or something.”
- “Wait a minute, that’s not a guy.”
- “Not everybody can be international activists, but we all have the opportunity to be local jackasses.”
- “I think it’s safe to say that no matter what the question is, Kevin doesn’t give a damn.”
- “No shirt, no shoes, no service. What about no pants?”
At least I’ll have tangoed at all
Apparently somebody I know has a thing for me. Either that, or somebody suspects that I have a crush on him or her. This is the third time in the past two years that I’ve received a notification from a secret admirer site. Now what I want to know is, who the heck keeps marking me as their crush?
Sites like those are nothing but trouble. They have the potential to cause far too much unnecessary anxiety and grief. When the site first notified me, I was briefly tempted to enter the email addresses of all the people that I suspected. But then I realized that doing so would only confirm my status as a pawn in somebody’s manipulative game of emotional coyness. You see, I wouldn’t be surprised if I were listed as somebody’s “crush” just because an acquaintance of mine suspected that I was the one that turned her address over to some silly dating site. What’s worse, this hypothetical female acquaintance of mine might not even have a real admirer of her own, and she was merely named on somebody else’s list of suspects. The horrible web of lies may have spun wildly out of control long before the baton was ever passed along to me.
But on the slim chance that somebody I know is digging on me, I have one thing to say to you: I know you probably meant well, but you should know that I hate playing emotional games. Please toss aside the unspoken, noncommittal pretense and just take a chance. You’ll be doing us both a favor.
Wow
Lawmakers on Capitol Hill are pushing hard to make changes that really matter. Their latest successful effort: renaming food items on House cafeteria menus. French fries are now “freedom fries,” and French toast henceforth shall be known as “freedom toast.” The repercussions of this public snubbing will be felt for years to come. Good job, guys. You sure showed the French.
By the way, French fries originated in Belgium, you fucking geniuses.
So not punk rock (an homage to Sarah B.)
Friend: now i get so damn repulsed
Friend: i look through clothing catalogues and go to stores and punk is all trendy
Friend: it sickens me
Friend: really, it does
Kevin: not sure i know what punk is about, but i know what you mean
Friend: well, were you ever punk?
Kevin: if you consider my Jewel phase punk
Friend: hahaha
Kevin: perhaps that was better left unsaid
Songs for sale
The state of commercialism reached a new low recently when Victoria’s Secret started to run a lingerie ad featuring Bob Dylan’s “Love Sick.” I don’t know about you, but I don’t immediately think of sex and seduction when I think of that guy. But what’s worse than this questionable juxtaposition of Dylan and scantily clad women is the fact that a bunch of goofy marketing reps actually butchered one of the music legend’s songs by misrepresenting his original meaning. While Dylan’s song is a bitter tale about love gone sour, the commercial would have you think that he wrote it as a tribute to a celestial, half naked hottie wearing a cheesy pair of angel wings. We’re nearing a whole new level of sacrilege, here.
This ad is only the latest in a woeful trend of butchering music for the sake of selling a product. In the early 90’s, Mercedes ran a commercial featuring Janis Joplin’s classic live recording of the satirical “Mercedes Benz.” The song itself is a statement against consumerism and Americans’ obsessive need to keep up with the Joneses. “Oh Lord won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz / My friends all drive Porches, I must make amends.” So goes the beginning of Joplin’s song. In an effort to be ironic, Mercedes opted to play the first verse of the song in a commercial, effectively turning Joplin’s criticism into an endorsement.
In 1999, another car company was pulling the same crap. At the time, Jaguar introduced its latest incarnation of the S-Type, a classic model that was previously discontinued. Jaguar’s marketing angle proclaimed that history repeating is a good thing. Naturally, its marketing reps bought the rights to the Propellerheads’ “History Repeating” featuring the vocals of Shirley Bassey. The song was written with a cynical edge, commenting on society’s inclination to flock to fads and on humanity’s inability to learn from past mistakes. Of course, Jaguar spun the song in the opposite direction and told the world that history repeating–through the revival of a discontinued line of cars–is a good thing.
I’m not against consumerism or marketing. What I am against is the careless disregard that marketers have for the integrity of good music. If you must sell out artists and use their songs in your awful commercials, at least have the decency to remain faithful to the intentions behind their lyrics.
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